Slacker

I'm a slacker . . . posting, getting homework done over break . . . yeah, hasn't happened.

I'm addicted to House M.d. . . . like, really addicted.

I have a problem pushing people away. I'll fall head over heels immediately and then be done with it a few weeks later. It's happening again. Everything "he," let's call him . . . urm, Jeremy, calls . . . I'm annoyed. I can't stand men who are willing to wait around for a woman, men who are pushovers, men who are obviously wrapped up in curves and pretty eyes instead of sticking up for themselves.

Call me a bitch, but I'm bored with relationships. Why can't guys be good while being confident enough to stick up for themselves? I don't want someone to worship me, I don't even love myself enough for that. Be a man. So annoying.

Is Johnny Depp single yet?

Hope you're getting more accomplished than me. It's going to be a shitty week.

On the upside, the new JM album is frakin' rad.
-Kendall on the Dark Side

why oh why?

yes.
it's currently 3:38 a.m.
yes.
i'm still awake.
counseling boy number one through a life crisis.
why am i this nice?
apparently being this tired means i'm too lazy to capitalize.
i'm also sitting in bed with my sleeping younger sibling.
i am a rocking big sis.
good thing she is a hard sleeper.
booooooooo!

--brynn

Noddin my head like yeah....

I haven't been blogging lately.
We haven't been blogging lately.
This is mostly because school is currently in its most ass kicking state.
Which I hate. And basically means I have no life.

There are no boys in my life either.
I don't really want to talk about it.
Things were going great for a couple of weeks with the second boy and then

BAM

I was hit with the "I don't have time for you" excuse.
I did not ask to date him.
I did not initiate us kissing (although I did enjoy it...).
I did have to deal with the aftermath of moving from more than friends back to friends, which is awkward, painful, and no fun.

I am currently home on Thanksgiving break.
This is what I am most thankful for.
Even though I drove home, alone, in the dark, after working for four hours, craving Skittles during the entire three hour drive but being way too lazy and poor to stop to buy them it's all okay.
Because....
I saw my dog.
I hugged my mom.
I danced with my sisters.
I ate pumpkin cake bar stuff.
I watched the lovely hometown news.
And I've giggled lots.

Tomorrow we are driving to Colorado.
My dad's office has a house in the mountains where I will be spending Thanksgiving.
I might even get to ski.
Party (in the USA).
I also found out that my dad will be taking a separate car to CO.
This is very good news because that means I get to pick the music during the five hour drive. And sleeeeep uninterrupted.

I haven't been sleeping lately.
Not sure why really.
I am exhausted but wide awake.
I know that makes no sense, but it is exactly how I feel.
And I fall asleep at awkward and horrible times.
Like in class or at my computer at work.
Bad bad bad.
Oh well.

There may be one boy in my life.
A cute one.
I work with him, but we hadn't really talked until today.
He has bright blue eyes and dark hair.
I'm a sucker for that.
Damn.
Mmmmm and he's funny.
And he seemed pretty interested in my life.
And getting me to work late with him.
Too bad I had to drive home, otherwise who knows what would have happened.
The "I'm under 21" cat is also out of the bag.
Which is good, because it is the most awkward thing ever to be asked to go for drinks and have to say you're underage.
(FYI I don't drink much anyway. The first time I ever drank was last summer when I was abroad and I've only drank in the US once. So it's not like I would abuse my ability to go to a bar or anything like that.)
I don't think the people I work with remember I'm only a junior in college.
Oh well.

What are you thankful for?
The upcoming promise of homemade mashed potatoes?
Family and friends?
No snow (in my life) yet this year?
The end of the semester?
This music video?

--Brynn

And the song war ends before it really even began.

[Please read below blog first to fully understand this one]

The song battle is over.
I just got off the phone with one of my best friends.
She helped me sort things out.
I like the second boy much more.
I'm just so scared of having someone stable in my life.
Realizing this just scares me even more.

I also realized there are many things I like about him:
He smells good.
His eyes are bright blue.
He snuggled me into his body and just let me lay there. For an hour.
He also didn't mind when I squimmered about as my arms fell asleep.
He gets along with my friends.
He makes me laugh.
He embraces sarcasm.
He gets in touch with me.
He likes the food I bake.

It's possible that I care a lot more than I realized.
But I have also decided to just go with the flow.
There are other boys out there. They will come into my life when they are meant to.

--Brynn

p.s. I'm not really sure if it's okay to be disclosing this information. I know other people share just as much, if not more, but a part of me is saying this may not be right. Thoughts?

say anything

In my head there is currently a battle of the songs.

Song One: Crush'd by Say Anything

Song Two: Less Cute by Say Anything

It is totally possible that I got the new Say Anything CD this weekend. The album is self-titled and decent. Not as good as those in the past, but it's Max Bemis and you have to love that.

Why are these two songs battling in my head? I like to think of it as a metaphor. I know I haven't gone into much of my love life on this thing. It kind of freaks me out. I know we are semi-anonymous, but...it could en awkwardly.

Here's a little back story: I have been hanging/seeing one guy since last February. NOTHING HAS EVER HAPPENED. We have talked about it happening, we have talked about how our fights feel like breakups. But no. No kissing. 4 hugs total. We did sleep in the same bed twice (scandal, I know...). Pathetic. And I was so hung up on him. This was the guy I was bound and determined to get back into my life. I'm comfortable around him, he makes me laugh, we can hold a decent conversation, I know personal things, it all just felt right. But physical stuff was awkward because when I met him he was just getting over a break-up and we swore up and down we'd just be friends. Lame.

Now: Things are the same between me and that boy. Except we fight a lot. About me wanting more and him being scared of messing everything up. Too bad for him I moved on. Kind of.

[This is where we are getting back to my original point about the two songs.]

Yesterday I may or may not have had a nap date with a different boy I have been flirting with all year. And during said nap date we may or may not have slept comfortably, followed by talking while he cuddled with me, followed by several cute moments where we were practically kissing but still talking, followed by us actually kissing...and then continuing that. Until we were interrupted by the screeches of my room mates.

I do like this boy. I am not just using him. He means a lot to me. I was totally comfortable when we were laying in my bed. Too comfortable almost. Unusually comfortable for me. Getting so cozy so fast. I think I am trying to make the situation more messy than it is because I am so used to things not working out. Kendall and I kind of discussed that earlier.

Only problem is, I can't remember which song I was singing to myself while he was here yesterday. One is good, one is not so good.

Yes. Listen to the songs. Understand where I am coming from. Enjoy Say Anything if nothing else.

--Brynn

What I've learned of friendship

A trio there through thick and thin
This was the way it was
To be alongside one another
When crying led to hugs

It was within these timeless days
Where hours seemed to fly
With coffee cups and chocolate puffs
And lingering goodbyes

Then utopia was hit with storms
The elder had to go
It was not safe within this land
The signs began to show

Startled parents torn apart
The sea raged on for blood
She turned for help and saw no pair
Her face began to flood

Into the sea, which turned dark red
She let her body go
The others went about their days
Past memories below

The storms raged on all night and day
She could not take the pain
But fought her way past many beasts
Her life to be regained

Her body washed upon the shore
With strength she lifted upwards
But those two girls had long since gone
No footprints of the others

The sand untouched she marched herself
Right back to castle doors
But they had turned away those thoughts
That trio was no more

One looking for her own salvation
The other close behind
The girl looked through the windows
No more love within her mind

They had not helped her fight the dark
They'd turned to keep the light
She belonged no longer in a group
And with tears gave up the fight

Time passes all at once it seems
But friendship should endure
Trust finds itself beneath the rubble
For heartache there's no cure

-Kendall

Are you fo rizzle!?

Okay, so computer viruses are so freaking annoying. Yeah, my computer is infested with a few . . . yes, I tried to clean it out myself. Yes, I am getting a new computer soon . . . but, my parents insisted we go spend tons and tons of money to have it fixed. Lame-O. So, no computer for a few days. Annoying-ness.

I get ready to leave my apartment for school today, coffee in hand as I head to my car (which was parked much closer to my apartment than usual . . . so awesome!). This guy has his apartment garage door open and is cleaning his car before work. I'm talking CLEANING. It looks as though he is taking a feather duster over the top.

Anyway, I get in my car to back out (thinking how weird this guy is), when he starts to back out. I decide to be nice and let him get out first, mostly because with his obvious car obsession I think he may have a heart attack if I come within inches of his vehicle. He pulls out and then PARKS HIS CAR SO I CAN'T GET OUT. Slowly, he gets out of his car, saunters (yes, saunters) to his garage, closes it, combs his hair back with his hand and then gets in his car and SLOWLY turns out. He has given OCD a whole new meaning . . . plus, it really pissed me off.

Peace out home skillets-

Kendall on the Dark Side

advice

do something.

if it doesn't work out, then complain.

but don't complain about your failure to change the situation.

[[I just told this to a friend of mine. I know I don't take my own advice all the time, but it really is a nice thought. ]]

--Brynn

thrills of imagination

I love children. Love them. I have worked with kids my entire life. They are super entertaining and always make me smile.

So, even though I am crazy busy, I have been volunteering with the Big Brothers, Big Sisters program for almost a year now. Each Monday I visit my little at her elementary school, go to recess and eat lunch. Basically I get to hang out during the best parts of the day. Since today is Monday, you guessed it, I was there.

I was greeted by a giant hug, haven't seen her for 2 weeks, so this was to be expected. Following the hug, I was ran from. This might seem weird, probably looks weird, could be weird, BUT her favorite game is tag... which is definitely not my favorite, but I appease her and run around anyway. While playing tag a little boy ran up to me, tapped me on the side, and told me to follow him.

This type of behavior is what makes kids so awesome. He had no idea who I was. All he knew was that I was tall, clearly older, and wearing a name tag. And yet, he was beyond excited to show me something.

This something turned out to be a "dinosaur bone" aka random chunks of cement, half hidden by gravel. Who else would think this could be a dinosaur bone? No one, that's who. Adults always spoil these types of things, but not me, no sirree. I played right along and took in each and every gasp as more of the "bone" was uncovered. I love this. I love seeing a kids face light up all because of mistakenly dripped concrete. It seriously makes my day.

Once we went inside for lunch, some random little boy--who I may or may not have seen before--runs up to me and asks if he can sit next to me. I told him we'd have to follow the rules but if there was space by me, sure he could sit there. My little and I went and sat down and not 2 seconds later I hear this boy shout "YESSS! I made it just in time," as he plops down next to me. LOVE IT.

While eating lunch and chitchatting with my little about Halloween and her costume, another kid comes up to me, puts his hand on my shoulder (all serious-like mind you, putting his face right up next to mine, SO FREAKING CUTE) and starts talking to me about the food. Telling me what's good, what's bad, etc. I'm not even eating, this kid isn't even sitting at our table. But here he is, talking away. Kids are scared of nothing, they aren't self conscious, they rock.

After lunch, I walked my little back to her classroom, checked the place out, gave her a hug, promised to call, and went to leave. As I was walking out, I was confronted with one final thing....

"Are you her mom?"

EH!
No.
Do I look like I could be a six year old's mom?
I'm 20 for crying out loud. BOO!

Mostly kids' wild imaginations and big mouths are cute. Sometimes not.

--Brynn