words aren't enough.

"Sometimes there's nothing to say. Sometimes silence expresses more than words. Picking up the phone, dialing a number, it can do more damage than good. But humans are afflicted with the obsessive desire to talk things to death. So we make things worse by trying to make things better."

Why does this have to be true? And why do I find myself doing it time and time again? And why won't he just text me? And why am I going out on a strange psuedo date tonight even though I'm not sure I want to? Is it just so I can tell him I did? Am I that twisted? Am I that emotionally involved that all I really want right now is to do anything and everything in my power that could ever possibly affect him? Do I really need his attention that badly?

I know I can survive without him. Without talking to him, without thinking of him. I've done it. I'm just not sure how much I like that life compared to when we are getting along.

Is it sad that I'm thinking these things and nothing has happened between us? Is it sad that thinking about this makes my stomach hurt? Why do we keep having relationship talks if we are never going to be in a relationship? Why does he expect me to make the first move when he's in a bad place and I am not? Was it wrong to try and respect his strange boundaries even though it wasn't what I wanted? Should I have pushed even though neither of us knew how he would of reacted? Should I have given up so easily?

Should I still be giving up now?

--Brynn