I'm having a selfish moment.
Do you ever get that sick feeling of "that should have been me?"
I was just spying on some people, noticed that a guy a went on one date with last year is now in a relationship and in "love."
Don't get me wrong, he deserves it. He's a very nice, socially awkward, highly sarcastic [love it], wonderful person, but not someone I was in any way attracted to. However, he's funny and observant. And happened to be my neighbor last year. Meaning I saw him lots, even though I wasn't interested in being anything more than friends. And I began to feel this weird ownership over him. So not like me. And as soon as I saw his relationship status tonight and stalked his internet conversations I felt sick. Almost like something had happened behind my back.
Why didn't things work out between the two of us? Why I couldn't I feel that spark? Why wasn't he saying those nice things to me? And more importantly when did he stop having a crush on me?
Now I know this is a grocery list of unfair and awful rants, but I just can't help myself. It's not something I purposely try for. It just is. Does that mean my core self is selfish? I hope not...
I'm just sick of waiting for the right guy to stumble into my life at the right time for me and the right time for him.
Don't get me wrong, I don't regret trying to make things work with a guy when I knew I wasn't interested, but it still makes me sad that I haven't found that right person. I really do wish them all the best. Even if I am a tad bit jealous.
--Brynn
[[this cartoon made me giggle, perhaps he has worse timing than I do]]
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