There's a world beneath these fireworks

I haven't slept in my own apartment for 2 days. I have "Paranormal Activity" to thank for that. There is definitely something exciting about the adrenaline one gets when being scared, but this whole being afraid to sleep alone thing reminded me of a conversation I had with a friend a few years ago. She told me that she never watches any horror movies and avoids anything extremely violent on television and the news. "Why let that negativity and bad energy into your life when you don't have to," she once said to me. The last few days I've been contemplating whether or not that's ignorant of her . . . or if maybe, for once, she has a good point. Regardless, it's a new school week tomorrow and I'm going to have to brave it alone.

I stayed with a friend last night, a friend who lives in a house with 3, going on 4, other people. They are all theatre types as well, and we've been friends for the past four years. It's kind of scary to think what's going to happen when this year is over. I mean, walking into their house there is always something going on. Friends of friends staying over, parents in town, someone cooking, running lines, playing the guitar, yelling, playing video games, doing laundry, singing, rehearsing . . . etc. etc. etc. It's a nice escape from my little box of an apartment. Don't get me wrong, living alone is the elixir of my life, but every once in awhile I need to feel the chaos while being reassured that the world is still spinning. That's enough thinking about that. I'd rather pretend that this year isn't going to end in everyone going their separate ways. Now who is being ignorant?

On more of a ranting note. What the heck is up with 2 day weekends? Friday night, Saturday, and Sunday being a homework, clean, run errands day does not constitute a full weekend! Seriously, I think the world would be a much saner place if everyone had Monday's off too. Of course, this would probably throw that whole idea of being a slave to the man in corporate America. Sawweeettt, let's do it! Who's with me?!

I'd also love to know how finding someone has proved to be such a difficult task. I admit, I'm different and my standards on things may be too unrealistic, but it's getting a little discouraging. I just want to find out why every guy I meet that looks promising turns out to smother me with far too much attention and far too many pleas to make things serious. Either that, or they never want you back. Isn't there some sort of middle ground where there aren't any "games," but there is the thrill of the chase and the desire to want one another instead of need one another? No one should need anyone but themselves and God. I'm so tired of being needed. It's absurd. I used to think that by 23 I'd be in a serious relationship, be making blockbuster films, and traveling the world. Then I realized that four years and a degree wasn't enough. So, alas, here I go with a B.A. on my way for more knowledge. I'm scrounging up money to backpack through Europe for a month this summer, and I'm starting to realize that the life I imagined at ten years old is not the one I'm going to be living. Still, even though I pride myself in being extremely independent and controlled . . . sometimes I feel lonely. Sometimes I just want someone to share my thoughts, dreams, trials, and tribulations with. Sometimes I feel like no one understands me. I've been told that I'm in my own little world. I don't think this is a bad thing, but I can't be the only living being on my little planet. Can I?

Live Long and Prosper-

Kendall on the Dark Side